Sunday, October 18, 2009

New beginnings

Greetings all!

I figured with 2 months (to the day) before I leave for South Africa to start a new chapter, that it might be time for an official blog update.  I wish I had been writing more since I’ve been home, but that just hasn’t happened.  It’s been a very uninspiring year filled with mamadrama, dead end jobs, and general malaise.  Apologies for not being more vocal.  I just haven’t been up to it. 

But now I’m headed on a new path.  A loving path, I hope.  I’ve decided to go back to South Africa for good, for now.  Not for school this time, but for love.  It’s kind of a crazy proposal, but really would you expect anything less from me? 

The path back to veterinary school has been filled with hardship.  I found out earlier this year that decisions I needed the University of Pretoria to make so that I might be able to fund my education will not be made until the end of 2010…and even then this decision might not be made in my favor.  This pretty much leaves me with no financial options to continue school now, despite extensive research on my part. 

Many people have said to me “but Lynsee, why don’t you come home and continue vet school in the USA?”  A good thought, y’all…but this whole funding dilemma also caused me to realize that lately I have not been happy pursuing vet school.  I did not enjoy being at Onderstepoort.  I did not enjoy Pretoria.  And, frankly, with other talents and opportunities that have come about since those early days when I decided I wanted to be a vet…well, there are just other things that I have found that make me happy.  And right now becoming a vet is not making me happy.  That is a problem. 

I truly believe in a natural flow to things.  You know an “it just came together” type of situation.  Hard work and sacrifice are important, but this vet school thing has been forced so much by me that it was becoming unnatural.  I was not enjoying the struggle.  I am not inspired enough to keep myself going.  I had to think to myself “why am I doing this?”  Why am I killing myself to fulfill a childhood dream that I don’t even know for sure that I need?  I’m unhappy and I don’t want to do this anymore.  At least not right now.  It seems very forced and unnatural.  It’s time to back off a bit and let the universe unfold as it should.

So…what next? 

And how does going back to SA fit into all of this?

Well with no money for school and a sneaking suspicion that my life career path to date might not be working out for me…I basically have to begin again.  Reconfigure.  Pick myself, dust myself off, start all over again.  Get that dirt off my shoulder.  That type of thing. 

I was planning on going back to SA this December no matter what happened.  While I was initially planning on going back to start school again…that plan has obviously changed.  But I still have a plane ticket and a little bit of money saved up from working.  So, even when I first arrived home, my worst case scenario was to go back to SA this December and have a little bit of a relaxing holiday before I need to really engage life again.  Maybe catch some World Cup action in June/July 2010.  Just let myself be free after a whole year of being cooped up at Mom’s house stressing about how to put my life together.

But now I have another option to explore.  This time one involving a young man…    

last days 076 - CopyWhile in South Africa I met a fella that really means a lot to me.  Although I guess we never officially “dated,”  we have known each other for almost 2 years now.  We’ve spent a bit of time together in those 2 years and have been in touch the whole time I have been home.  His name is Charlie.  He’s 29.  An engineer.  And probably one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.  And he’s cute too ;)  Sorry…I had to say it.  I know a lot of you probably have many questions about the man, questions that will not be satisfied by the informational tidbits above, but I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it that he’s great.     

So…since I have decided to scrap vet school now (for financial and mental health reasons) and will have to start over again no matter where I am…well, I decided that I want to start over again in South Africa with Charlie.  Charlie thought that was something he wanted too so that’s what we are going to do.  I don’t know if being with Charlie is a forever type of situation.  But I do know that it’s not nothing and I can’t, in good conscience, throw it away because of something stupid like geography. 

It looks like Charlie and I are getting a place somewhere around Pretoria (Centurion, I think).  I’m not sure the details cos that is part of Charlie’s job before I get to SA.  Charlie has a job as an engineer and I will start looking for work when I land.  I have visa issues to sort out so I can stay longer than the initial 3 months I am allowed to stay and I don’t think it’s going to be easy to find work.  But despite various challenges I am hopeful that things will work out because they have to in the end.  I haven’t quite figured out what I’d like to do and might just have to scramble for any job I can.  Ideally I’d like to work in radio (as a producer) but would also be interested in getting a job in science of some sort.  A job in my field (animal sciences/livestock) would be great…but we’ll see what happens.  There’s an American embassy in Pretoria that might also offer some job opportunities. 

If any of you have any leads on jobs I might be able to find around Pretoria or Joburg…let me know!  I’m going to be on the prowl soon :)  Also if anyone has any tips I might need to know about visas and such then feel free to contact me.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to need all the help I can get. 

I know this whole thing seems like kind of a crazy proposition, but the funny thing is that it just seems like the right thing at this time.  I am anxious about some aspects of starting a life in SA, but that seems pretty normal for any starting over situation…whether it is happening in Waukegan or Chicago or Cleveland or South Africa.  One thing that doesn’t make me anxious at all, though, is the  prospect of starting to walk a path together with Charlie by my side.  That makes me feel really really calm.  Which is kind of a welcome change…

As always…keep the faith and spread it gently

Love, Lynsee