The blahs...

Hidey ho!

I know some of you are probably having convulsive fits because it’s been so long since I’ve posted. Sorry! Here’s your meds!!

Not much has really been happening I guess except that I have been studying. Yeah…I’m in school again. Woo. Please help me contain my excitement…

Wow, do I really need to spend another post complaining about how much school sucks and how much I hate it? I’m sorry, but it’s really consuming me right now and I don’t know how to sort of be chill because of it. I just feel so frustrated and also like I’m sort of bashing my head up against a brick wall. Remember early on when I said I was just going to try to have a positive outlook and make the best of it? Well, that plan isn’t really working. I just feel like school is eating all my time that could be used for better things…like picking my nose or something. I’m not learning anything…which really sucks all the joy out of going to lectures, reading textbooks, studying notes, taking tests. Yes, I actually found enjoyment in those things at one time…but not these days. It’s just a frustrating, near pointless, routine designed to stress me out. Busy work in the form of stupid little homework assignments, going to lab sessions that don’t teach you anything or give you the chance to get dirty, and lots of vagueries about how this whole process even works in the first place. The worst part of this is that I don’t know if I’ll get into vet school, even after this year of academic walking in place. That’s the worst part! At least I’m getting decent grades…

Another random rant about school…the way they grade here is really odd to me, and almost unfair at times. I mean the classes I’m in are all about 500 people on average, so there are teaching assistants for all the classes. I’m sure they do all the grading. All our tests here are written ones…no multiple choice. I heard one teacher here refer to multiple choice tests as “monkey puzzles.” Hey, she’s right. So we have to write out these long answers to questions on all the tests. If you don’t answer exactly in the same way the teacher does on the grading key the students use…you don’t get points. It’s such a subjective way of grading, which is weird in science. I mean I get in an English class that a teacher may not dig your style of answering a question in the form of a paper, but it shouldn’t be like that in science. Glycolysis works in the same way no matter what your interpretation of the event is…there’s not really that much wiggle room. Just to give you an example…I got a test back a week or so ago that was a 73%. That’s not too bad here (it’s almost an A), but after I went thru the teacher’s answer key (called a “memo” here), I saw that I had answered some of the same things but in different words. So I went to the teacher and got him to give me back a bunch more points such that my final grade was an 84%!!! That’s an 11 percentage point difference that changed my grade from almost an A to a grade folks would kill for! Insane. At least the teachers give us the chance to contest our grades at all though! Next week I’m going to take an oral exam because I want to miss the regular test time to go to a Rotary event in another town. I’ll let you know all about that! It sounds really scary cos it only takes 20 minutes…compared to a 1 hour written test. Wish me luck!

I’ve had some hope on the “school sucks” front though…I had an “altercation” of sorts w/a woman in my dorm about 2 weeks ago. She yelled at me because I don’t know how any procedures in my dorm work…but no one has actually given me any guidance as to how anything works. So I got angry (cos I don’t like to be yelled at when it’s not my fault) and I ended up going to talk to the guy that runs my dorm to find out how things work. He is personal friends w/the dean of the Veterinary school here. So I’m in contact with the veterinary dean now and hope that maybe something can be done by going to the top. Once I got this process going it really made me realize how weird I’ve been acting here about certain things. Usually when I have a problem w/something I don’t sit around and just let it pass me by. I do something about it. I problem-solve and think of ways around it and then start trying to make those plans work. I just haven’t been doing that all the time here, so far as I can tell. That’s bad cos that’s a trait I really value in myself. So I guess I need to focus on less bad vibes and more positive action. Whew…easy to say, harder to employ.

Good vibes…I had my first ad and produced segment go out over the air!!!!!! My first ad aired on Wed April 27th at 1:20pm to 50,000 potential loyal listeners in the Pretoria area! I literally jumped for joy when I heard it play =) The ad was for a very cool party at a local venue for a radio show my boss does: The Eclectic Mix. I LOVE this radio show! It’s one of my 2 fav things about Pretoria. The music (DnB, house, funk, triphop, etc) really takes me back to the musical days of my time at U of IL as well as just checking out random DJs in dank basements from Chicago to CU. He surrounds himself w/excellent DJs w/nice records. I thought the ad was really boring (my fault) but my boss and colleague were pretty geeked over it, so I was happy too. I was actually pretty stressed about this ad cos I wanted it to be good, but still don’t feel I really know what I’m doing when it comes to this audio stuff. It scares me when I can pass off something as good when I feel it was pieced together w/a lot of dumb luck. Apparently it was good though: nice crisp vocals, fun music, interesting start and finish. Whew!

My next piece went out on Monday Apr 30. It was a 5 min segment that airs every weekday at 1:30pm and it’s an entertainment thing(music, movies, gossip, local gigs, etc). I did most of the production work on that one, but this other guy finished up the loose ends for me…which I didn’t mind at all cos that 5 min was a lot of work. More than I expected it would be. I’m so eager to get into the studio and produce more ads and stuff, but I have so much schoolwork to do that I just spend a lot of time studying. Luckily my boss told me that at the station they prioritize schoolwork…so he said if it’s that bad then he’ll even start producing ads. That helps me out a lot cos I feel a lot of pressure to come in and do more work (I really want to!!), but I just don’t have a lot of free time after studying.

So, I’m officially a radio producer in South Africa. How cool is that?

We just had this super long weekend from Apr 27 to May 1. Apr 27 was Freedom Day, which is the first day that Nelson Mandela took office or something like that. I can’t remember. Basically it’s the 1st day of official democracy after years and years of apartheid lockdown. I guess it’s sort of like the 4th of July except it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. Like I mentioned before…public holiday means things are closed and people chill out. But there weren’t fireworks or any events, so far as I could tell. Then May 1 is Workers Day…which is the same as May Day. It’s an international labor holiday that started from events in Chicago involving the Haymarket Bombing and trials and stuff. I actually worked for about a month (until I got fired!) just a block from the Haymarket Square in Chicago. There’s a really neat sculpture there commemorating the bombing and labor rights people involved. I think it’s a cool public art piece because some anarchist folks came by and added their own flair to the sculpture…but w/out desecrating it. They souped it up a bit. It’s nice…check it out at the corner of Randolph and Des Plaines (I think)…either way it’s just off the Clinton Green Line stop. A block S and 2 blocks W.

The long weekend was at first incredibly lonely. Two of my friends from the radio station that I would have normally hung out with were both gone: Luso to Cape Town, Kenzy to Botswana. I really didn’t have anyone to hang out with at all. I tried to make some plans with a Rotarian that’s offered to hang out with me, but he was going fishing or something w/his son. I feel like I’ve had trouble hooking up with Rotarians at times. People have been super nice to invite me to this or that, but then I’m usually busy w/school. Or then when I’m free I don’t really know how to hook back up w/the Rotarians to say “no look, I’m free now!” I feel sort of uncomfortable just going back to them and asking if now is when we can hang out…it makes me feel like I’m imposing myself on them. Maybe I just need to not think about it so much. It’s been another frustration for me in general.

Yeah, so I was super lonely. I just spent the first 2 nights in my dorm room having a drink or two and watching some DVDs. It’s really the worst feeling when you are completely free to hang out and then have absolutely no options as far as people to hang out with. And this ain’t home…I can’t just go wandering around alone at night in search of a house party or to the park. That will not fly. I don’t have a car either, so I can’t really go anywhere at night except my immediate vicinity. So I was sort of stranded.

But things picked up. I had the feeling that I was going to be really lonely for the weekend cos I had no plan, so I asked another girl I know from the radio station (Karlien) if I could stay at her family’s house one night during the weekend. She said yes, so I went over for Sunday lunch. People here have Sunday lunch. It seems like sort of a pattern, but maybe not necessarily a cultural trend. People might go to someone’s house on a Sunday and have a nice lunch and coffee/wine or something. It’s a pretty cool activity. I went to Sunday lunch w/a Rotarian a few weekends ago and I had Sunday lunch over the long weekend w/Karlien’s family. It was fun. I really love other people’s families…and I’m secretly gathering families all over the world for when the apocalypse comes. Okay…maybe not for that reason…I just like families. I like to see where my friends come from and I also find other people’s families fascinating. Staying w/Karlien’s family was really relaxing and reminded me of going over to visit my friend Ben’s family at home. In the days before I came here (when I was stressed out of my gourd), going to visit Ben’s family in the ‘burbs was one of my favorite activities. Such a simple activity, but it really meant a lot more to me than almost any other activity available to me at the time. At Karlien’s, we just watched movies and vegged out. It doesn’t sound like much, but I don’t veg anymore. I just don’t have any place to. I live in a room w/a cot and a plastic chair…no lounging at all! It’s actually something I miss quite a bit. Especially when I finally have some free time to recline. Wow a la-z-boy would be like heaven now. 603 W High St porch and 2101 S Michigan’s room o’ the mattress…my love goes out to you!!! Hey it’s almost porch season at home, huh? Get out there and enjoy those porches for me, people!! I’m 100% confident that my heart lives on a porch somewhere in this crazy world! The perfect porch is my soul spot…

Monday night of the long holiday I went to the Eclectic Mix party (that I did the ad for). It was super fun. It made me feel like I was partying back at home…like I was maybe starting to feel some sort of groove here. That felt good after pretty much feeling discombobulated most of the time. Also I went into the bar alone and ended up seeing 2 folks I recognized, so I didn’t have to be alone til radio people showed up. Again, it gave me hope. It’s sort of hard at times to come from a place like CU (or even in Chi) where you go in somewhere and you are bound to know someone in the crowd. Someone you want to talk to. It makes it hard to be where everyone is a stranger, especially at a time when you are feeling lonely and you are desperate to just connect w/ ANYONE. Anyways, the music was GREAT!!! There were a bunch of DJs as well as a live drumming/DJ group from Brazil. That was an explosive mix! It was at a bar near my house called Tings and Times. It’s basically a really chilled out bar w/a strong reggae/rasta vibe. There’s tons of really cool art everywhere and their food is great. It’s a really nice spot and I think we get along well. The other bars close to me are more like campus bars in CU…so, more of a meat market or “let’s get DRUNK” type of thing going on. Not so heavy on the live music (which is what I’m in it for). Not really my kind of places, but if you are thirsty…

Then the week was all messed up cos of the long holiday so it was mostly just an attempt to sort out my head as far as what classes I had and stuff. We had Monday classes on a Wed and Tuesday classes on a Thurs…confusing. I had this huge final laboratory report due on Friday (yeah! more busy work) that was a pretty huge hassle. See, it’s these little things that are tripping me up. But at least it was only a huge hassle for 24 hours and then it was turned in. I even got help from Ben all the way over in Chicago…bless the internet and thanks to Ben’s big nerd brain!!

This weekend was pretty cool. I have 2 tests next week, so I’ve meant to study…but that hasn’t really happened. And I don’t care. It’s great. Friday we had a social at the station cos some dude is leaving. Free food, booze, and partying w/radio people is always a good time. Saturday I had a fuzzy head because the radio station people make this punch that will make you forget your name…but I still got some good explorations out of Saturday!

I’ve had a mental block about my geography ever since I got here. I have been feeling really isolated and stranded in my dorm. Part of that has to do w/the fact that I have to study a lot. Part of it has to do with the fact that I don’t have a car. Part of it has to do w/the fact that riding a bike here is scary. Part of it has do w/my brain. Part of it has to do w/the fact that I don’t really know that many people…such that I’m not out getting around the town. Part of it has to do w/my perceptions of crime and stuff. Part of it has to do w/the fact that it was so hot and dry (means I can’t breath when I cycle) when I first arrived. So the point is…I haven’t really explored my immediate geography too much.

Right now it’s gorgeous outside. It’s fall here. The leaves are falling off the trees and it’s starting to cool down, but the sun is so nice during the day. It’s Allerton Park weather!!! I’ve really been hankering to go out and get to a park, but I don’t know where anything is around here. Saturday I decided to go check out this church bazaar cos they were selling clothes (man I need some new clothes!!) and I have this love of secondhand clothes that is not being fulfilled in a country w/little or no thrift stores. The thing was closing by the time I finally found it and the clothes were wack. But I was so happy cos I was just out riding my bike around. I was loving it. I passed a park called Magnolia Dell, so I went there and checked out a market they were having. Then I just laid in the sun on the grass…brilliant! I need to explore more on my bike and hope to do a bit more of this. There’s a lot of roads in my general area that I’ve not been down yet and that’s a crime.

Today, I baked cookies. And that’s about it. Studied, did laundry w/my friend Luso.

This week Dr Kesler, one of my fav professors from U of IL, is coming to visit Pretoria. I’m so excited about this! First of all, my mom gave him some stuff to give me. Second, he’s a freaking awesome guy and it’ll be nice to connect w/someone I like a lot from home. And it will also be good to tap into the animal science resources he has here.

I guess in summary...I’m feeling super lonely and frustrated these days. I miss home and people at home. Not because I want to come home, just because I feel awkward here right now and that’s a breeding ground for homesickness. It’s not all doom and gloom every day…some days I bake cookies or lay in the park or have radio ads on the air. But overall I just feel kinda sad and that really isn’t my style. Like I said, I sort of feel like I’m bashing my head up against a wall. Or trying to bash every problem I come across w/my head. I’m not a mountain goat…that shouldn’t be my modus operandi. But I’m not quite sure how to fix it cos I feel stressed and frustrated and sad. I guess maybe this is that “culture shock” all the literature warned about. I don’t even know if it’s that. I think it more just has to do w/being any new person in any new place. I’m not over that yet. It’s maybe only just beginning. I thought maybe this feeling of loneliness would be reduced a lot cos of having this Rotary network to come into. But really I think I haven’t quite developed the Rotary network potential enough. It’s a vast untapped resource and I just don’t know how to dig into it w/both hands. In time I guess. Sorry…this has been really long and rambling. I’ve actually been putting this off cos I just have been feeling sort of crappy and didn’t really know what to talk about that would be cool and positive. I don’t really like posting up info that’s sad or boring…but I guess that’s just the way of things right now.

Oh and if you want to check out something really messed up:
http://la.indymedia.org/news/2007/05/197919.php
Click on the bottom link to Telemundo52. Then click on the Top Left "Reproducir".

Check the police beating down "rioters" in LA for a May 1 immigration rally. Bogus! I'm ashamed...but then again I'm almost always ashamed of the police. Apparently the riot gear routine was in response to about 10 youth "troublemakers." Wow...why do we let the police get away w/stuff like this again? You can also access the footage of the police brutality at www.youtube.com. Search for "May 1 protest" or anything related.

There's a lot of info on the police attacks at: la.indymedia.org
The nice thing about this information is that it's collected by regular people that were actually at the march. It's not on some corporate or mass media agenda...
Search for May 1 protest or something.
Or try this link too(it's my search for May 1):
http://la.indymedia.org/news/?comments=yes&medium=&keyword=may+1

Spread the word...

You may have mixed feelings about immigrants and whether or not they deserve rights in our country. However no human should ever allow violence like this to happen to anyone anywhere. Keep that in mind. Aren't we, as Americans, against terror? Well the police actions in these circumstances can't really be labelled as anything but terrorization, right? And just remember that anything we allow to people without rights is bound to come back to us one day. No matter how patriotic you are. No matter how rightfully American you are...it's coming back on you.

Hope you are all well
Much Love
Lynsee