Midwest represent!

Hey folks

I just got back from Mozambique a few days ago and haven't quite figured out what to say about it yet. It was really really a fantastic trip...more details to follow. I also want to do some research on the history of Moz before I write a post. And of course there are pictures to add, etc. In the meantime I wanted to do something a bit different. Instead of me telling what it's like to be in SA, etc. I wanted to share something about my home w/the folks that aren't from there. I recently got this forward from my stepmom and it made me laugh so hard and think of home that I wanted to share it w/you all. I'm even going to put in some info for those of you not enlightened w/the ways of the Midwest! So put your learning caps on...here it goes. And keep in mind that this info is just what I think. The Midwest is a big place and I don't know everything about every place, so my bad if I make a mistake!

If You Grew Up in the Midwest ......

p.s. the Midwest refers to that big section of the USA in the middle. It includes the states: Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Iowa, N and S Dakota, Kansas, Minnesota, Nebraska, and maybe a few others. I can't think of my geography right now...

You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.

Polka is a type of dance that is German-inspired (i think). I think it's a kind of lame dance that just involves jumping back and forth, but maybe it's more nuanced than that. I don't know. It's sort of a staple in places like Wisconsin. A lot of place in the Midwest (Wisconsin, Minnesota, probably Michigan) have German/Scandinavian roots and so a lot of the culture comes from those roots. I personally have never polka-d, but could do it if I had to ;)

You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.

Knee-high by the 4th of July refers to how high the corn should be by the 4th of July. The 4th of July (Independence Day) being THE landmark date of the summer. Maybe the only other more important date in the summer is whenever the county fair takes place. And of course, it's ALL about the corn in the Midwest. Most of the landscape is dominated by corn and grain fields.

You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.

I don't have to explain this, I don't think. It's just something ya do if you are from the middle of nowhere.

You know the difference between "Green" and "Red" farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!

This is just a version of your classic argument between people who are loyal to a certain brand. Some people are Ford drivers, some Chevy drivers. Green tractors are John Deere brand. Red are Massey Ferguson (I think). We were Massey Ferguson people and John Deere people, so I don't believe I ever fought on the playground about this issue...

You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.

Fleet Farm (or Farm n Fleet in some places) is the original one stop shopping experience. They had this title WAY before you could by puppy dogs and washing machines at Wal-Mart. At Farm n Fleet you can buy everything from guns n ammo to cattle feed to work boots to clothes to...well just about anything. I used to go shopping there all the time when I was small. I remember the beef jerky in a can very very fondly.

You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.

Again, don't think I need to explain this one. Small towns, rednecks...well...

You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't break in to uncontrollable laughter.

I don't actually know what oof-dah is, but I know I wouldn't break into laughter if I heard it. I think it's an expression used in the northern parts of the Midwest (in particular N Minnesota/Wisconsin/Michigan) that is sort of a cheer or exclamation. Like "woohoo!" in the Simpsons.

You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at the county fair.

In the land of corn and dairy cows...well, someone must be princess.

You know that "combine" is a noun.

A combine is a really huge farm vehicle that looks like it has a big rake on the front of it. You drive it around in a corn field and it gathers the corn from the stalks. 'Combine' (pronounced: Kahm-byn...not come-byne) is also a verb when you are explaining what a combine does.

You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.

I'm the older sibling, so I never had this happen to me. And I'm pleased to report that I never tortured my brother w/this! Yes...your tongue will stick if it's below freezing. All you have to do is pour warm water on your tongue to get it off. Yes...it does get that cold!

You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.

I'm not religious, so I don't really know what this is all about.

You know that "creek" rhymes with "pick".

I don't think this needs explanation...but creek definitely doesn't rhyme w/peek in the Midwest.

Football schedules, hunting season, and harvest, are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.

These are 3 types of events that are more important than just about anything else in the Midwest. Football is a major entertainment and people are religious in their devotion to their team. Hunting season is also a major pass time and you don't plan anything over the first week of deer season. Many men even miss Thanksgiving (a major holiday for us in November) just so they can go out deer hunting. Harvest is controlled by nature and if farming is your livelihood...harvest comes before everything. If you cut the hay in your field you have to let it dry and get it up before it rains...so anything else important that comes up is 2nd to the harvest.

A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

Rednecks w/out much to do for entertainment...well, you have to impress your girlfriend somehow. 'Shining' for deer involves driving your pickup truck around in fields or on roads and using a big spotlight to look for deer eyes. It's illegal in most states because people use it to unfairly find deer.

Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.

Again, not much to do for entertainment makes bowling leagues and bowling alleys a good place to have a good time.

There was at least one, if not several, in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.

In farming country, the farm is the priority. Milking cows usually happens 2x a day about 12 hours apart. Usually anywhere from 1am-4am and then again in the afternoon. In the dairy state (Wisconsin) everyone has to pitch in w/milking! I never lived on a dairy farm, so I don't know about milking...but I've cleaned my fair share of horse stalls!!

You have driven your car on the lake.

It gets so cold for such a long time that most lakes freeze solid and you can walk on them and drive cars on them. People that fish in the winter build little houses on the ice (ice shanty) so they can go out and meditate w/their Schlitz or Leinenkugel beers and their friends.

Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.

The hokey pokey and the chicken dance are 2 common dances that you learn early on as a kid at the roller skating rink. I don't know why they are a part of weddings...but they are.

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

I once went to visit my grandfather in what I considered a really really small town in Iowa. My dad corrected me by saying that this was in fact a very large town...it had 2 bars (one of them doubled as a restaurant...fancy!) AND a convenience store and a traffic light (just one). I stood corrected...I guess.

The local gas station sells live bait.

Of course the local gas station sells live bait! How else will you get the stuff you need for fishing? This is a testament to important fishing is to folks in the Midwest. The gas station by where I grew up had a room in it with all kinds differentl live little fishies that you could get to use as bait. And of course you can always get worms, leeches, and grubs/waxworms.

At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.

When your dad kills a deer, someone has to cut it up for eating. It's expensive to get it done at a butcher...especially if you can do it in your garage. I've been on butcher detail before. I cut the stew meat. People usually hang the deer they shoot in their garages to let the blood drain and then cut up the meat in the garage.

You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.

Wait, it's not? Deer season starts in November and most people take holiday from work, miss family engagements (like Thanksgiving), and generally slough off the rest of the world to go out and sit in a tree for a week so they can shoot a deer. It's what some people live for.

Hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into Midwest life. It might not be right, but it's how we do. I'll with you guys again as soon as I can encapsulate my Moz trip and get photos up and stuff.

Keep well

Much Love
Lynsee